Be nice

Many, many years ago, in a school far, far away, a there was a girl named Abby in my class. She was a new student, and we students quickly realized there was something different about her. She didn't automatically do the things we did, like follow directions or cooperate with teachers. She challenged authority in a million small ways. Then she upped the ante. It all came to a head one day when she was being particularly stubborn and mouthy. She wound up yelling at the teacher, who yelled right back, and then Abby swore. Out loud. At the teacher. We went absolutely silent from the shock of it. It was almost a trumatic experience, as we had aboslutely never, EVER, heard of such a thing, much less witnessed it. In less than 30 seconds, the principal's voice came from above, calling Abby to the office. Clearly she had listened to the entire exchange. It was Abby's last day in the school. We never saw her again, though I sometimes wonder how things turned out for her.

Funny thing is, if that were to happen today, in a public school, she would be suspended a few days and return as a conquering hero. Instead of shocked silence, that outburst would be met with cheers and applause from her classmates. For the teacher and administrators, it would be all downhill from there. Times have changed, and so has the behavior. Instead of avoiding association with the “bad” boy or girl, students make that kid the most popular in the class/grade/school. They speak in admiring tones of his or her shenanigans, and the legend grows. Think of The Legend of Billy Jean, except without the righteous cause. More like Rebel Without a Cause.

Clearly, I was educated in a different time and place. There were some absolute expectations of me as a student, and among them was the clear message not to screw with your teachers. That must be why I don't deal well with students who try to screw us over, and the parents who think every word that falls from their child's mouth is Gospel. Your kid has just lied to you, not for the first time, and then you buy the next thing they tell you. It happens to fit your preconceived notions, so you don't question it, even if there are a million reasons to do so. Believe it or not, your kid is not an angel. We are talking about an adolescent, and adolescents will say almost anything that achieves the desired outcome. That outcome might be simply avoiding discipline for some mischief, or it might be creating trouble for someone else. Classmate, rival, outcast, even teacher. And it's so common that it becomes tolerated, and even expected, behavior. Excuses are made for why it's not the child's fault. Blame is laid at the feet of the recipient of this shameful and shameless behavior. No one else in the room (indeed, the city) can confirm the claims of the student, but that doesn't matter. My child has been wronged/provoked/disrespected/etc, and you will pay for it is the message that comes across the table, right behind the irate parent.

Puh-lease. Get a clue, people! Your adolescent is no different from all other adolescents. They talk back, argue, skip assignments, blow off tests, ditch school, pick on classmates, treat others rudely, lose things, spent lunch money on junk food, and any number of other silly things. Then, they tell you whatever you want to hear that might smooth things over with you, if not with the injured party. Wake up, smell the coffee before things really get out of hand. As long as you allow and tolerate this shit, it will escalate. Think where this naturally leads. There are plenty of examples on the evening news.