You know those days that are so awful that you're ready to quit? That's the kind of week we've had. Thoroughly depressing, soul-stealing, and demoralizing.
I really love teaching. The problem is there isn't enough of it happening. Most of the time is spent on things other than teaching. So, here's a therapeutic little excercise I started working on. Almost of of this is from the past 2 months, most of it this week alone...
Things they never told us in teacher school:
Students aren't in school to learn. They actually come for breakfast, lunch, and socialization.
The students aren't well socialized, in spite of all the socialization. In fact, some aren't socialized at all.
Not only will the kids complain about assignments, they will flat out refuse to even attempt the work.
Parents will justify this behavior, trying to convince you that the kids are right to refuse.
Then the parents will expect an explanation from you as to why their kids don't have all As.
Forget all those wonderful, detailed lessons and units you learned to create. There won't be time to use any of them, because you have to get ready for standardized tests, benchmark tests, interim tests, progress monitoring, formative assessments, common assesments, etc.
Forget about planning engaging lessons. The kids don't give a shit, and administration will keep you too busy with meetings to do any planning.
Speaking of planning, whatever time is not taken up with meetings will be spent on the phone, with parents who are unhappy with you, your team, your school.
Students will tell you off, cuss you out, and demand a written pass to leave class so they can go have sex in the boys' bathroom. Because, you know, there's nothing more romantic than the stench of piss when you want to get it on.
Don't spend all day reading your school email, but make sure you read that unimportant email from the self-important administrator as soon as it is sent. Sooner than that would be even better.
You know the old saying, “the customer is always right”? Well, students and parents are the 'customers', and you are now in the customer service business.
When you stand your ground, about anything, the student will have a shit fit, demand to call home, and proceed to lie about whatever happened, or didn't happen.
Remember potty training? Well, you are about to experience it again, with adolescents.
No matter how specific your directions, someone will always find a way to 'minsunderstand' or 'not hear' them. That will be you fault, of course.
When you set a deadline, that's just the opening bid. Students will answer with a counter bid, usually along the lines of 'whenever the hell I feel like turning it in'.
The word 'No' is not the end of the convesation, it's the start of negotiations, at least in some circles. Unfortunately, those aren't the circles I run in. You can see how this becomes an issue...
A parent with a question will never ask you directly. Instead, it's much more fun to call the school and accuse you of everything under the sun.
The students will assume you don't like them and deliberately give them low grades. It couldn't possibly be related to the quality of the work they turned in.
The parents will assume you don't like their kids and deliberately give them low grades. It couldn't possibly be related to the quality of the work they turned in.
When work is turned in late, you will be expected to drop everything and grade it immediately, and make sure it gets a perfect grade, even if it's completely wrong. If you don't, see above.
Parents will not make the effort to enforce any discipline or expectations with their kids. It's too much work to just say 'No' to one child. It's much easier, apparently, to sit down with a roomful of adults and give them shit instead.
When students are talking (or yelling, or singing) too loudly for you to be heard, don't raise your voice. That's rude.
When you ask students to make corrections to their work for a better grade, they will tell you there is nothing wrong with it, and refuse to correct it. This is your problem.
When a student plagiarizes their work, there is nothing wrong with that, because they typed it themselves. Right?
When a student turns in work that a relative did for them, that's okay, too.
When a student won't follow any instructions or do any work, that's a personality conflict. It's your problem.
When a student calls you “bitch” and gets suspended, you will still have to provide his assignments and take phone calls from his parents while he's out of school.
When the students don't like your test review, it will be your fault if they earn a low grade on the test.
Don't have a life. You have to be available for questions, phone calls, and emails 24/7. This means that when you miss that 8 pm email, there will be 3 nasty follow-up messages before 6 am.
If students don't tell you they are having a problem with a classmate, it's your responsibility to know about it anyway, because their parents don't know what class it's happening in.
If you call a parent from your phone without blocking your ID, be prepared for a couple of weeks of creepy phone calls from him at all hours.
Any time a parent says, “you won't have any problems with my child”, it's a lie.
If it's followed by the words, “call me any time”, don't. They don't really want to hear from you. Ever.
Work that is turned in without a name on it should still be graded and recorded. Use your crystal ball to figure out who the hell did it.
Administrators will generally throw you under the bus. Those that don't are probably driving the bus.
When you are in the middle of grading papers, that's not important enough that you should expect a child to wait till you're done for a response from you.
When the child interrupts your lesson to ask a personal question that is none of anyone's businees, you should answer it. Otherwise, you'll be considered rude.
School and district policies will change. You will probably not be informed of these changes until after you've stepped in it. That's your problem.
Children will try to intimidate you to get what they want. After all, it works at home.
Sports are way more important than schoolwork. Get over it.
Sports are also more important than discipline. What's the matter with you?
Don't you dare not cave in when a student expects an extension to get work done that should have been properly done already. There will be blood...
If you really enjoy your subject matter, keep it to yourself. Nobody else gives a rip.
If you have personal photos that are related to an upcoming lesson, forget about it. By the time you organize them to show the kids, you'll wish you hadn't.
Don't ever assign television for homework. Suddenly they aren't allowed to watch 'that kind' of program. Jersey Shore, on the other hand, now that's quality entertainment!
That assignment you thought would be a slam-dunk, easy grade for everybody? Mission impossible.
Nobody outside of this crazy profession wants to listen to all of this. They can't believe any of this shit actually happens; hell, you wouldn't believe it yourself if you didn't personally witness it every day.
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