So, that's what it takes

The quietest my students have been all year. Something actually held their attention. a video about teen crime. They were quiet (mostly), attentive (mostly), and engaged. Wish I'd known to whip this out months ago. Should have known they were waiting for me to introduce some role models.
Yes, I'm being sarcastic. It's a reflexive act these days, to preserve my sanity.

Confessions

Okay, I admit it. I'm a failure as an educator. It must be true, after all, the experts are telling me so: my students (who can't hear any instructions over the sound of their own conversation), their parents (who haven't tried to teach anything since potty training- maybe), my assistant principal (who has been out of the classroom long enough that she won't cross the threshold of my room). These are the experts, aren't they?

Bless me, for I have sinned. Let me count the ways:

I followed through on everything I said. At least, when not undermined by the powers that be.

I kept homework to a minimum. I gave you time to work on it in class. Terrible of me.

I created opportunities to work in groups. The nerve.

I offered projects with choices. So sorry.

I gave clear directions for assignments, and even put them on the board for the benefit of those who wouldn't hear what I said. Gosh, what was I thinking?

I set clear expectations, and held you to them. I had no right to do that.

I kept up with grades, to the best of my ability. It's a lot of work. I should have done something else.

I was honest with you. I never lied to you, not about your work or your behavior. I guess that was rude?

I enforced the rules of the school and the district. That's right, I didn't make up any of that shit.

I took all the abuse you dished out, even the second and third helpings. Thank you.

I never retaliated for childish things you said and did, even when I dearly wanted to.

I listened to you cussing and bit my tongue.

I looked at your work, gave it back to you for improvement, and checked it again.

I provided study guides for every test. Sorry about that.

I asked you to reflect on your progress and your studying. I should have done it for you, I guess.

When you didn't turn in your work, I allowed additional time to turn it in. What was I thinking?

When you still didn't turn in the work, I offered the chance to work on it after school. I shouldn't have.

When you plagiarized your work, I didn't record a grade of zero. How dare I?

When you came the day before grades were due, asking about getting your work in, I accepted it.

When you brought in missing work the day after grades were posted, I made the corrections.

When you tried to get out of class, I didn't let you. Who gave me that right?

When you lied to another teacher to get out of class, I sent you back. I should have let you lie.

I watched you talking rudely to your parents.

I watched you talking rudely to your classmates.

I watched you talking rudely to your teachers.

I stayed up late working on lessons and activities. My bad.

I stayed up late looking for new ideas. Definitely a screw up.

I stayed up late grading your papers. Huge mistake.

I listened to you insulting all of your teachers. I apologize.

I listened to your parents insulting all of your teachers. I apologize again.

I kept your parents informed about your progress. I should have let you take care of that.

I talked to you about changing your habit of not studying for tests. I was out of line.

When you picked a fight, I tried to keep your classmates out of harm's way. I shouldn't have done that.

When you were suspended, I dug up your work that you would miss so that you could still get credit.

When you were on academic probation, I gave you the assignments that were missing. Multiple times, even after you told me off, told the other teachers off, told the principal off, I still brought it to you.

I tried to be the authority figure in the room. I should have been your friend instead of your teacher. I should have given you everything you demanded, instead of setting limits and boundaries.

I guess you're right. I have no business in the classroom. After all, you are the expert, aren't you?